"Real Simple's annual essay contest: If you could change one decision that you made in the past, what would it be?"I'm sure this is a question that many of us have come across at one point or another; and we all have varying options on it. Well, a few things came to my mind when I saw this.
First, it reminded me of a book that I just finished, The Future of Us . It is a Young Adult novel (but that shouldn't discourage you) by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler. Asher's first novel, Thirteen Reasons Why, is great and deserves a look at from middle schoolers to adults. Anyway, I'll provide a brief plot outline of The Future of Us. The story takes place in 1996, when internet is starting to come to the forefront; and the protagonists are two high schoolers, a boy and a girl, who may or may not have unresolved feelings for each other. The plot revolves around a startling discovery: when they install AOL (does that still even exist?) they are linked to current day Facebook. Of course being in the 90s they don't know Facebook from Adam. It's interesting because they get a glimpse into their futures, some good and some bad.
The novel does bring up some intriguing ideas. Mainly, how there are ripples of change that can affect the future. If I think one thing or talk to someone new that could, potentially, change the path I go on in my future.
Many of us wonder what it would be like to get a glimpse of the future, and I'm sure we will all be tempted to take a glance. However, the novel does provide an anecdote (at least in my opinion) of living in the moment. Don't spend your time worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, focus on the now. That is how I try to live my life.
Shifting gears back to the original question. As you have just learned I'm not a fan of thinking about the past, so I can't really think of a moment that I would want to change. For the sake of entertainment I have come up with a moment. It takes place in high school and it is about a girl; I'm sure I could do a whole blog about me and the fairer sex, there are some funny stories to say the least.
In high school, I wasn't the most sauve with the ladies. I had girlfriends, but I didn't have girlfriends. In college I've been having a bit more luck, and the lack of a steady is now by choice more than anything else.
This particular story takes place during the spring of my junior year so you know what that means: Junior Prom. I guess throughout the year I had been envisioning myself going to prom and I already had the girl in mind. Then it became around April and everyone around me was starting to get dates for the prom and I was like "Wait what? Why so soon?" Needless to say I was nervous to pull the trigger to ask this girl to prom.
It wasn't really a secret to my close friends that I had a bit of a crush on this girl. We worked together as counselors for a local summer camp and we became friendly; however, when school started back up we didn't talk that much because we had different friend circles. That didn't discouraged me and I thought I had a very, very good chance of going to prom with her.
During my junior year, I was involved with this group known as "Lunch Bunch" which helped students (those with learning disabilities, autism, etc.) improve their social skills. For some reason this meeting became quite social among us "helpers." The topic became prom and we went around the room asking who everyone was going with. It became my turn and I kind of froze for a second...before I could come up with a response I saw my friend whisper into a girl's ear. This particular friend was actually quite friendly with the girl I was crushing on friends and he was whispering with one of them.
All of a sudden the girl jumped up and said, "Tom you should go with Amy (made up name)!" Knowing myself I'm sure I turned quite red and smiled sheepishly. Her other friends- in the room- seemed to jump on board and were wondering how I would ask her and they were quite excited. We finished up the meeting and I was feeling good about myself and I was wondering how I would ask Amy too. We all walked to the cafeteria and we sat with our respective friends and I noticed that Amy's friends were huddled up with Amy, and I wondered if they were talking about me.
Later that day I texted my friend Tony, who was at the meeting with me, asking the best way to ask Amy to prom since I wanted to get it over with so I would no longer be stressed about it. I received a strange text back: "I'm not sure about that TBanks." I was taken aback and I wanted to know why. He then told me that Amy was going with someone else. Obviously, I wanted to know what happened in such a short period of time.
It is a weird story and it bothered me for a few weeks after. Apparently, after our meeting the girls went to their table and we excited asking Amy to guess who was going to ask her to prom. Their other friend at the table, let's call her Dana, looks over to their girly-guy friend, Chris (fake name), and said "Wait. Chris weren't you gonna ask Amy to prom?" From the recounts I heard he was put on the spot and his expression was that of a person who felt like he had to ask now.
So just like that the girl I wanted to go to prom with was taken and I didn't even have a chance to ask her, I would of loved at least the chance to ask. I wasn't happen with Dana, being the guy that I am I wasn't gonna show that outwardly though.
Now I was in a pickle: Who would I go to prom with? The answer was that I didn't go to prom. And no I didn't chicken out because I was too afraid to ask a girl. I couldn't think of another girl I would want to go with and my heart wasn't as into it anymore. Then a few days later my senior friends- yeah I was that cool guy whose friends were all older- asked what my prom situation was and I gave them the a brief version of the story and they couldn't believe it. They then wanted to know if I would go down the shore with them for prom weekend instead. I told them yes, plus that was where everyone went after prom anyway.
i had a great time down the shore, I got to meet up with all my other friends there, and I did it the following year too. So I never went to prom during my high school years and overall I don't necessarily regret it. Sure, sometimes I wondered what it would've been like getting dressed up, getting a limo, and all dancing would have been like, but it doesn't keep me up at night or anything.
To answer the original question, I guess what I would change would not be going to prom, but rather getting the balls to ask Amy earlier. I'm typically a go-with-the-flow guy, which is fine, but sometimes you gotta work for what you want, even if that means swimming against the tide.
Though that was a difficult and disappointing experience at the time, I did learn a lot (especially about myself) which has helped me out currently. Sometimes I like to think what it would have been like if I ever got together Amy and it's fun to think about, and that's all it is fun. When I run into Amy I do talk to her, yet I don't force the issue, I have to find the right moment- and that goes with any girl, don't force it and wait for the right moment.
So embrace the past for what it was, because it helped form who you are today and yes look forward to the future, but don't let it consume you.
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