A Year in Review

What a great inaugural first season for The Double Ent-Andres- by the way who can forget when Greg learned what a double entendre was, further evidence that it is a good name for the league. It was a season that no one will want to forget (perhaps, except, the Gore-Gasms). The greatest moment of the season was the Case Race to decide the fate of the playoffs. To the pleasure of everyone both sides of that argument won: those who wanted the Consolation Playoff and the team with the worst record ended up coming in last anyway. The teams were all competitive and no one ran away with the title. Whether it was in the Radio Girl game or playing for the Burgerson there was excitement till the very last moment. I figure it would be worthwhile to have a brief season recap and say a little something about each team. And no I will not just rant about the Gore-Gasms...the post below this one contains the rant in case you were interested.* 

Lets get the ball rolling with the first ever winner of the Burgerson: FatGuyInALittleCoat. Led by the crafty or maybe the impatient Greg Bukoski. Greg made the most moves in the league, it is not even worth mentioning the second most. FatGuyInALittleCoat were able to use these moves to catapult themselves to the championship. The acquisition of Doug Martin and, at times, strong-arming other teams with three quarterbacks on his team were just some of the moves that allows the Burgerson to be in his possession. Their final roster of two kickers and three defenses should not be questioned. 

The runner-up to the Burgerson was the Futtbuckers. Led by the self-professed “Guru” the Futtbuckers had a strong showing throughout the season. This team had a quick start winning their first five contests; however the “guru” status was brought into question when they proceeded to lose their next four. Nevertheless, they righted the ship and were the hottest team heading into the playoffs, winning three straight and the winners of four in a row when they met FatGuyInALittleCoat in the championship. The Futtbuckers were impressive by taking gambles on unknown running backs Alfred Morris and Mikel Leshoure, along with selecting Peyton Manning coming off three neck surgeries in two years. 

Perhaps the most consistent team of the season was the mauve avenger; if they lost three in a row, they would then win three in a row, etc. The mauve avenger upset the league’s highest scoring team, Tom Hardy’s Traps, to secure third place. Despite, enduring a frustrating season from Eli Manning this team was able to make the most out of what they had: riding the back of fantasy monster Clavin Johnson, finding a bright spot in C.J. Spiller, and a comeback year for Reggie Wayne. The mauve avenger was quietly in contention throughout the season and it will be interesting to see if they can remain as quiet next season. 

Tom Hardy’s Traps round out our top four. I guess they were aptly named because they were the league’s highest scorers. They also averaged the league’s highest margin of victory at 35.85 points. Tom Hardy’s Traps were strengthen by the Chicago Bears defense (which may be one of the greatest fantasy defenses of all time) and also by the nonhuman season by Adrain Peterson. They should be applauded for the selection of Peterson: at the time no one knew how healthy he would be when he returned to health. Tom Hardy’s Traps far exceeded their draft day projections of 7th place, so bravo to them. 

Congratulations to the CONSOLATION PLAYOFF WINNER: The Burgersons. As indicated by their team name they had one goal in mind and unfortunately they were not able to meet that goal. There’s always next season. The Burgersons had the unique ability just to run train some weeks, and make teams lose faith in humanity. After being heartbreakingly eliminated from the Championship Playoffs, the Burgersons were able to rebound to win the Consolation Bracket. Throughout the season this team was led by the strong showings of Matt Ryan and Arian Foster. The Burgersons certainly had a balanced team and should be a force to look out for in the upcoming seasons. 

Congratulations to Equipo Machete to having a strong season. Not being familiar with the fantasy football process did not hold them back and they were always a competitive team. Equipo Machete favored players from two teams: the Patriots and the New York football Giants. In fact the team did not have a single player from the West Coast (the farthest west was Houston’s own Owen Daniels). Having a team constructed in this way allowed Equipo Machete sit back and relax for the late games. Despite the devastating injury to Rob Gronkowski, this team was able to rebound and made a spirited run for playoff contention. Perhaps, their most impressive performer week in and week out was Jamaal Charles. Equipo Machete effectively gave the Radio Girl to the Gore-Gasms by beating them by .4. The future is bright for Equipo Machete. 

Narrowly escaping the fate of the Radio Girl was Team Wumbo, probably the streakiest team in the league. The players they got production in were always different week after week. Twice Shonn Greene came from nowhere to drive the steak through the hearts of the Gore-Gasms. Team Wumbo had the luxury of having two of the leagues highest scorers on the team: Drew Brees and Robert Griffin III. It was also impressive that they were able to put together a solid season despite the lack of production from Greg Jennings and Darren McFadden; who were expected to be large point getters for the team.           

Where to begin with the Gore-Gasms. The questionable draft day selections (CJ2K first round!?), the revolving door at quarterback, having six players going on injure reserve, are just some of the many things that went wrong for the Gore-Gasms. The fact that they only have five players from the opening day roster says a lot. Needless to say the Gore-Gasms were the 3-12 team that no one wanted to play; they gave ever team their best. They were less than half a yard away from playing in the consolation championship. There was some crafty general manager skills with this team, that the rest of the league should look out for in the future. The acquisitions of Randall Cobb and Knowshon Moreno were genius, T.Y. Hilton wasn’t so bad, and for a few weeks Josh Freeman looked to be the steal of the season. It should also be noted that the Gore-Gasms played the toughest schedule and that often times teams scored the week high or personal season high against them. Assure yourselves this the Gore-Gasms will be out for blood next year and most certainly be a contender for seasons to come. 

In the end The Double Ent-Andres had a great season, that any league would be proud to have. Hopefully it will become a long tradition to come. Unfortunately, the Gore-Gasms were unable to have one last gasm. 

*I know I said I would rant about my team, but I don’t have the heart for it; I’m emotionally exhausted from the season. Maybe sometime next week...

Primary Park Drama...

*Running Diary of a Conflict between two of my Campers...
**The names are also changed for privacy

6/29/12

It’s the first day of Primary Park, a five week summer day camp for local first and second graders. This starts my fifth year of working at the camp and it has been a great time; so much has gone on and an “unauthorized” book could probably be written about it. Well, anyway, with pretty much the same staff returning and the “problem” campers moving to the next camp we had the feeling that, in the words of our Assistant Supervisor, “It’s going to be a great summer.” 

It was a fairly boring first day, some crying kids, nervous parents, and generally just going through the motions. Things didn’t pick up until we went into our groups for the afternoon. At Primary Park, the campers are divided into four groups (two for first grade and two for second grade), this year they happened to be named after national disasters; I am in the Blue Tsunamis, a second grade group. 

There are less second graders this year and the kids in the group are not that dynamic, or so I thought. There wasn’t much action until we were outside, the last thing of the day. The girls were on the playground playing a game known as Family. 

Family is a game that I cannot stand and I believe it was presented by the most hated counselor I have ever seen the previous summer. In this game everyone takes on a role of a family member; so someone is the mom, children, etc. It’s just creepy; you hear kids crying “mommy” and stuff like that. There is something unnerving about it. 

Well anyway, I was just kind of looking around on the playground trying to ignore this game going on behind me. I notice Olivia walking over towards the game. Olivia is a fan favorite among the counselors. She is tiny, cute, and knows it too. She is always happy and cheerful, which endears her to the counselors. Olivia goes to that part of the playground and decides to block the entrance by making a “password” for someone to get in. Olivia and this other girl, Stephanie, sort of start arguing about this; and I feel that it is my counselor duty to intervene and tell them that there are no passwords and the like. 

Despite my “warning” Olivia and Stephanie proceed to go at it. They argue about how one tattles on the other and that they aren’t nice to each other. Stephanie even threatens that she’ll tell their second grade teacher that “Olivia acts like a nice girl, but really she’s not and is mean.” 

First let’s paint a little picture of Stephanie. If she weren’t six or seven years old I would describe her as the “B word that rhymes with witch” but I cannot do that; yet you still get the idea. She talks in this annoying tone that comes across as bossy and know-it-all. In reality she is sort of mean to the other campers. 

Like the good counselor that I am I tell the girls to be nice to each other and maybe they should stay away from each other. Olivia heeds the advice and decides to go to the bathroom- Stephanie lingers with the two other girls there and what she says actually shocked me. She pulls this black object out of her pocket, my mind starts to race...is it a knife? is it a rock? I had no idea. Then Stephanie says, “I’m going to settle this once and for all.” What the hell does that mean? At that moment I realize that the object in her hand is a Hot Wheels car. Now I’m a bit worry because I might have to break up a fight or something. I thought for sure Stephanie was planning on throwing it at Olivia. 

Stephanie and her friends begin to walk away and I begin to turn around to keep an eye on the situation, as I’m turning around Olivia is right there. Olivia implores me to believe that she really is a good girl and she doesn’t know why Stephanie is so mean to her. My advice for her was to stay away from Stephanie, that I would keep an eye on the both of them, and to let me know if anything happens. I look up and notice that Stephanie and her two friends are conversing in a huddle; Olivia is convinced that they are talking about her. Before I can say anything it is time to go inside because the day is over. 

I obviously shouldn’t be saying this, but that incident made my day. I hope that there are a few more blowups like that because it adds a little energy to the day. My fingers are crossed....

Chatty Second Graders

7/5/12

So Stephanie made her return today, when one of the other campers asked where she was the last few days, Stephanie’s response was: “I had to take care of a few things.” What does that even mean? Throughout the morning Stephanie was being the B word that rhymes with witch; bossing kids around and giving them some sassy suggestions. And of course Olivia was there being her cheery self. 

Fast forward to lunch and I happen to be next to Stephanie when all of a sudden Olivia comes over and asks me a question. She asks if the clothing that Stephanie is wearing is inappropriate. I just start laughing; I never thought a 6 year old would ask a question like that. Stephanie was wearing some sort of top that was a little big for her and it was falling off her shoulder. I told Olivia that it was no big deal, but of course that was the tipping point. Needless to say I was entertained for the rest of lunch. 

All of a sudden Olivia starts whispering into my ear saying things like “Stephanie always tattles on me” and “I never do anything wrong.” Stephanie is complaining that Olivia is telling secrets and then proceeds to start whispering stuff into my ear. I’m not a huge fan of whispering, by the way. Then Olivia and her friend start stacking their lunch boxes to build a wall from seeing Stephanie and Stephanie does the same. Of course when Olivia tries stacking her water bottle Stephanie tells her she can’t do that. Who makes rules in that situation? 

I have to act like I don’t approve of this situation, even though I’m enjoying it a little bit, so I throw in a few “cut it outs” and “be nice to each other.” Stephanie decides that she needs a drink of water from the fountain. While she’s gone Olivia filled me in on a few things; she and her friend were telling me how Stephanie wasn’t in their first grade class and “thank god” for that, but they still had to deal with her at recess which apparently caused a few problems. Stephanie comes back and they start right back into it, so I try to diffuse the situation by asking Olivia if she needs to finish her lunch and she tells me no, but Stephanie chimes in saying “I hope you starve” (Wow!). 

Thankfully lunch time was over, but each girl took the time to complain about the other to me. I have no idea why they chose me to talk to. I tried to condense that as much as possible sorry if it’s long; some other quick highlights: at one point Olivia thought Stephanie called her a “Big Jerk” and Stephanie told Olivia even though she thought her lunch was gross she was eating it anyway (no one said anything about her lunch). Olivia clearly won today’s battle and I’m surprised that Stephanie didn’t break down, I thought for sure she was going to cry. I felt some sympathy for her but of course she lost that when she, banality, cheated in 7 UP. I think there’s going to be another blow up soon, there’s too much bad blood and the best part is that I’m the only one that knows this is going on. 

Some More Camp Drama

7/6/12

Drama at Primary Park is quickly becoming the best reality show of the summer. Stephanie and Olivia continued not to disappoint and provided some action before we headed into the weekend. I actually thought nothing would happen at lunch, because they each were sitting at the farthest points at the lunch table; boy was I wrong. I was enjoying my lunch today so, to be honest, Olivia and Stephanie were not really on my mind. The line for the bathroom is near where I sit in the lunch and to no surprise Olivia and her friend Sarah are on line next to Stephanie. 

I start to shift in my seat, because I have a front row seat to the drama that is about to unfold. I couldn’t really make out what they were saying, but I could see that they weren’t happy. I decided to stand up in order to better understand what was being said. The first thing I remember hearing was Stephanie saying: “Olivia I know you think my lunch is gross, but I think your lunch is gross too!” I don’t know why Stephanie is so hellbent on this lunch being gross thing, it must be a self conscience thing. I do have to say that it is a little gross, but she also packs it all together which doesn’t help. Then Stephanie continues by telling Olivia that her lunch is unhealthy. Olivia seemed to take offense to that statement and she responds by saying that it is healthy, her mom makes it everyday and she had a sandwich. In my opinion Olivia had a fairly healthy lunch: a sandwich, apple slices, Go-gurt (which are gross), and some cookies. 

I guess Stephanie needed a breather from the situation because she went back to the table and Olivia and her friend Sarah give me some “details.” They tell me that Stephanie is a liar and lies all the time. Olivia even says that her own mom (a stunner by the way) has seen Stephanie be mean to other girls. At this point, since there was a lull in the drama, I go to throw away my trash. I come back near the area I was originally at and I’m talking with one of my co-counselors; I can see the girls from where I’m standing. Then I see Stephanie come storming towards me. 

Stephanie claims that Olivia poked her in the eye. I saw the whole thing...Olivia didn’t poke her in the eye, yet I have to be a good counselor and talk to Olivia. I remind Olivia to keep her hands to herself, the whole time she is proclaiming her innocence, she even goes so far as to reenact the moment using her friend Sarah (pretty funny and Sarah hams it up; she gets tapped in the chest and practically falls to her knees saying “OOOOHHHH my EYE!”)

I go back to where Stephanie is and she provides me with some more back story about her conflict with Olivia. She claims that they are “ex-best friends” and they had a falling out over beads, Stephanie doesn’t know what happened. I can assure you that these girls had issues way before they had beads the first day of camp. 

Some other quick highlights: after lunch Stephanie claims that Olivia gave her an Indian Burn, I had no idea what the hell those were. Later, Olivia says that Stephanie hit her in the face (again I saw the whole thing never happened). In perhaps the harshest moment Olivia tells me that she is uninviting Stephanie to her birthday party (ICE). She says this all with a smile on her face. 

I really underestimated Olivia on the first day. I wouldn’t mess with her; most of the other girls are on her side and she can use her cuteness to sort of sway the counselors. In the most telling sign the “Godfather Theme” is on in the background as I’m writing this. Normally, I would have sympathy for someone in Stephanie’s position: outnumbered and a constant battle with Olivia but her personality is so rough. I do admire that she hasn’t broken down yet. These little battles seem like they are heading to an everyday occurrence. I might have to start carrying a pen and paper with me so I can record it instantly. 

Primary Park Drama (continued)

7/10/12

We may be reaching a point where this conflict is too much, but it’s too hard to look away. First, today was Halloween in July, which is probably the worst thing we do at Primary Park. It’s always a disaster. To relate it to this, Olivia had a pretty cool costume: she was dressed as one of the girls from “Grease.” Now to the good stuff...for yesterday and the first half of today it appeared that there was a truce called by Olivia and Stephanie; they definitely did their best to prove me wrong. I should know by now that the problems don’t start till lunch time. 

So the Blue Tsunamis were in their lunch line and I was chilling at the head of the line with Stephanie being the line leader. Quick side note: do you remember “cutting” when we were kids? Cutting is probably the worst thing that a six or seven year old can do. It’s like committing a capital crime and it starts a lot of scuffles. Well, anyway, Stephanie turns around and asks Olivia, a few people away, if they are friends now; Olivia says nothing and gives a quick glance away. This is where the trouble starts. After a minute or so Olivia comes up to me and the other Blue Tsunami counselor and tells us not to tell Stephanie, but they aren’t really friends. Stephanie starts getting mad because she thinks Olivia is telling secrets. Then they get into a brief argument about if the movie’s name is Grease or not. 

We get to lunch and there is some drama, not too much. Olivia did go around to the few people around her and asked if they didn’t like Stephanie. The whole lunch period Stephanie was giving her daggers. The only other interesting thing was when Stephanie was walking past Olivia she held up her hand like she was telling Olivia to “talk to the hand.” Olivia wasn’t a fan of this and she came up to me to tell me and to also remind me that Stephanie is “horrible.” I guess they were saving all their energy for outside time...

Our first activity after lunch today was outside time, and did the claws ever come out. I missed the first part of it, but apparently Olivia was on this other part of the playground with a bunch of the girls and she went up to each girl to say they were invited to her birthday party and when she got to Stephanie she said she wasn’t invited. Clearly Stephanie wasn’t happy with this and she told Olivia: “I invited you to mine, so you have to invite me to yours. That’s how it works.” Olivia said it didn’t matter because she didn’t go to Stephanie’s party because her great aunt is 99 (I don’t know if she died, she didn’t elaborate). Stephanie responded by saying that it didn’t matter. 

They started to get a bit violent today; they were pushing each other A LOT. For a long stretch they chased each other around the playground. After a few laps Olivia came back and told the other girls that Stephanie is a “poopyhead” (which got a way better reaction then I thought it would; the girls were eating it up). I forget what led up to this part but Stephanie and Olivia were arguing about who knows what and it ended with Stephanie saying something like, “ok, like, go die now.” Olivia and Stephanie were having a bit of shoving match and I had to be like a Jerry Springer bodyguard for a lot of it. 

They did their chasing thing again and I’m watching them, to make sure no one got hurt. At one point Olivia was running up these stairs and Stephanie was at the top and she stuck her arm out like she was going to push Olivia. After a few seconds Olivia comes running back with a huge smile on her face and she tells me that Stephanie said that she was going to keep pushing her until she fell and died. 

Later, Stephanie and Olivia were back where they started and I guess Stephanie was growing tried because she gave Olivia an ultimatum. She asked her if they were friends or not and Olivia told her they weren’t. Some muffled reaction from the other girls and Stephanie stormed away saying, “All I want is to be friends with Olivia...” Stephanie’s friend, Cara, stayed behind to remind everyone that Olivia is actually the bad guy because she was the one that made a password on the playground on the very first day of camp. 

Olivia has definitely won this war, I don’t see Stephanie devastating Olivia in anyway. Stephanie’s last line was sad, but this is the girl who putting chalk on rocks in the morning with a friend, they had five rocks and Stephanie took four. The other girl was left with pretty much a pebble and when that girl started to complain Stephanie told her not to “cry about it.” Olivia knows how to work the system. Could definitely be the leader of her own “plastics” one day. And now my co-counselor, Emily, is in on the drama too- which is interesting because we have some drama of our own...